In these times of recession money has become somewhat of an Endangered Species and saving has become a luxury. But there are ways of beating the recession and saving the Buck.
I have decided that I am going to share my secrets with you. I know it sounds like an internet self help book that's going to teach you how to make money,but I am not selling anything.
And these are no secrets either, they are just some forgotten survival tips, that I am going to help you to re discover. These tips have been invaluable to me over the years,but it requires you to fly under the radar. You can not be seen twice at the same place or atleast, not wearing the same disguise a.k.a outfit.
I know the suspense must be killing you by now, well understand this, it is not always so easy to reveal your survival tips, let alone part with them to millions of people on the internet. Some businesses pride themselves in being a monopoly (not the game). The more competition the less your profit or sometimes, chances of success.
Well I have said enough and now it is my chance to make a difference in the world.
MONEY EARNING TIPS
Before you can start saving you have to earn money first;
TIP1: Work at a bar Good money, I will explain later why I say this.
TIP2: Start your own business, make your hobby a money making machine, if you like jewelry, art,driving lessons, believe it or not it is very in-expensive doing this.
TIP3: Recycle; You can make money of other people's junk and you hitting two birds with one stone, you helping save the environment.
TIP4: Become a sperm donor; in some countries your little past time stress relief hobby can actually earn you some money and provide someone else with a bundle of joy.
TIP5: Try out for TV extra work, easy money for just a few hours and the benefits are endless, I will explain more about the benefits later.
That was just a few tips feel free to add more life's suppose to be fun enjoy life, living and making money you will live longer.
MONEY SAVING
The primary need for humans according to Maslow's hierarchy is food and in these times scamming food from neighbours and family is most important.Always make sure you around the neighbourhood during lunch time nobody will eat without offering a guest something to eat and drink.
Another more legitimate way of saving on food is by shopping at Wholesalers, gang up with friends and go grocery shopping together, you can buy in bulk and will save in bulk too. Look at it this way by the time world war breaks out again your underground bunker will be stocked up.
Grow your own veggies, be self sustaining and you will save loads of money. I know ypu are thinking of this, and no you cannot keep a cow in your backyard, unless you are old McDonald.
To keep some of your veggies fresh you can pickle them in jars and for meet you can salt them and dry them out.
TIP2: Start a car pool to work with friends, you split the petrol, gas whatever you call it and you are helping omit less co2 into the air, if you don't have friends to do this, take the bus. This is good for nature less traffic and you save on the mileage on your car. tires, gas/petrol, money, Save! SAve!! SAVe!!! SAVE!!!.
TIP3: Rent a house with friends, if you are still a bachelor or bacheloret, you save loads of money on rent, electricity, food(wholesale buying), transport.
TIP4: Those big nights out can also save you alot of money on drinks, you can either try this, but it is not advised.You contribute alot to the Beer companies and I don't think they will even miss your contribution.
Why pay for drinks OR even Entrance to a party
It is all about arrogance, if Celebrities can get away with it so can Civilians right, they both start with a C, no difference to me. Who the hell are door people to ask if you've paid DO THEY KNOW WHO YOU ARE? lol That's if you used the door.
In case that fails every party has a side door in case of Emergency (God Bless Fire Departments). You are bound to find a sidedoor or open window without a Meathead Bouncer.
If you do use thefront door Target the VIP List, Names like Jonathan, Michelle and Sarah are sure winners. It is all about composure, you may be sweating bullets on the inside, but on the outside you're a (fake) Armani suit and perfect teeth. If you look like model nobody will stop to question you. You can even make snide remarks like, "SHOULDN'T DOOR PEOPLE BE MORE ATTRACTIVE?" and 'DO YOU KNOW WHO THE F*** I AM?'. Of course they don't and why should they? You're some schmuck without a cent to your name, but they don't know that.
PLAN A
Find the drunkest people in the place, station yourself next to them at the bar and when they re-enact the last 10 yard dash for the touch down, casually slide one of their drinks in the palm of your hand and meet those friends of your's on the other side of the bar and for extra flare, pack down on the side of the touchline, drink in hand and laugh heartily. Good one, fellas!
PLAN B
If you're a girl, find the nearest schmuck and convince him that the two of you went to primary school together and that he should buy you a drink to celebrate your reunion. It worked on me and I went to an all boys school.
If you are a guy you should stoop to an all time low, but since nothing can be lower than your bank balance. Locate the lonely guy drinking at the bar, all on his lonesome pathetic self, start talking to him about Soccer, Football. If that doesn't make a connection with Mr Self-Destruct, try claiming that all women are the enemy. Offer to buy your new found buddy a drink, do the pocket padding down routine, as if you have a wallet to find. Upon discovering that you left it in the car again, silly you , apologise and offer the next round. He will feel obliged to buy this round. If the lonely guy start talking about shoes or wearing a pink, you could be in for a whole lot more than a free drink.
Never let it be said that you are scum for getting things for free. Rather, let it be said that you subscribe to Darwinism, and that survival of the fittest, half the people aren't sure what Darwinism is and they will believe you anyway. While at it tell them you are also a Hare Krishna and that it doesn't permit you to work for money, but rather rely on the good nature of kind people for food and shelter.
The world is your Oyster, now find a buyer for that pearl.
Referring back to Tip1, you can earn and get drunk for free or at less staff discount.
Tip5, you can get free lunch, I know, first hand experience Mr Tv-Extra himself. Bonus you can rub shoulders with celebs,you are looking at significant social profile upliftment.
Now for the top 5 Money saving Manoeuvres:
Find Half Price pizza huts, Rib Shacks, all you can eat buffets and prawns specials(still hold the record for the most prawns on a monday night crab shack)
Spend time near British Tourists lots of Pounds no friends
Sit next to big tables in strip clubs and watch their table dances
Drink draught beer, tastes better, costs less
Find big Christmas company parties, put your drinks on their tabs.
Well go out there and start living economically and remember some of these tips are just guidelines just like the Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy and are not recommended nor frowned upon by the Author, but desperate times call for desperate survival tips.Enjoy Living a longer fuller life.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment