Never Leave the house or even in to add Angry prt2

... In turn hurt me, I always vowed never to hurt my mother as she is the only person I know that has the biggerst heart and also the smallest heart. I knew that me saying that would hurt her, I know that she is the person that always believes in me and backs me through the good the bad the the failure the successes and she worries about my future more than anyone elses'. I know that she wants the best for me and all she wants or asks of me is a little bit and I know that I haven't done much for her yet, but I try and I left the house in anger and that should never be. This life we live is short and we should never miss an opportunity to make things right or to say sorry or say I love you and never be afraid to cry, we human after all, being human is an emotion. So yesterday I gave my Mom a Kiss and I know she knew what it was for... Today is Tuesday and I am doing so much better and even the day is feeling better more positive o let it be so Live life full on today and everyday. Later Bloggers!

Never Leave the House or even go to sleep when Angry...

Yesterday was Monday and I woke to the noise or well my parents having a little argument of sorts because my Dad decided he wasn't going to work. This Monday disease is a coloured problem you drink the weekend and Mondays you don't go to work, I have come to realize that I always almost never drink on Sundays and I realize why I don't now. I subconsciously have been made to realize how negative it is because that image or trigger has been implanted go my head, I have never except on one previous occasion had alcohol on a Sunday but only because I knew that I would not be working on that Monday. So back to my reason for not leaving the house angry, I was angry with my Dad because he knows what his responsibilities are and he knows what his weaknesses are, but he still insists no doing all those things, so the long and short story is I felt crowed and well I said some things and trapped and said that I wished I had died last year in that car accident well I kinda didn't think and I made my mother cry, which..

I just need to stay focused and keep being disciplined

Sometimes a fresh start is all someone needs or even a change me scenery. I hate come to realise that me still being at good staying with my parents is poisonous to my health, my fathers drinking is driving everyone insane and all those other reasons stated in my previous update on the blog also forms part of it. I hate alot that I can do and want to do, but the fact that I am here holds me back and it doesn't help me in anyway. I have never had a safety net like any of the other kids my dad has never strived for anything in his life we still staying in this crap hole so I think it is time for me to make my own safety net because I don't want to end up like him, so I say it is time for the loner to start walking and leave it all behind and start a fresh... I don't know where or when I an I am going to be starting a fresh, but I am going to have to do it soon.

I have set the standard...

I recently rediscovered something that well I have known all along and that is the force that driver of to where I am going to be soon. I spoke about or rather wrote about the whole natural selection process where only the top bracket of the dna gene pool gets to do what they want in life and get to achieve that, well that is a load of bollocks, I am good enough! I am this way cause of doubts instilled in me by my father, reason being that my father is not competitive by nature non confrontational he is everything I am not. I am tall, athletic, competitive, motivated, driven, aggressive and the one thing that stands out is the fact that I am a risk taker and a loner. I don't fall in favour with women because I am not safe, I am no safety net or even security, I need only please me and nobody else. So now with my dreams knocking no my door I am going to make that jump. Life is there for the taking...

Live Free or Die

I realized how important freedom is today after giving someone a lecture about how we all start of as slaves and how some of up remain slaves all our lives. We all make a conscious decision in life as to where we take our lives, even though some people believe it is pre destined by a higher being as it imprinted in our dna... I would like to think otherwise, I would like to think that I am in charge of where my life is going and that my determination and drive decide where I am headed. I on the other hand don't dismiss the motion completely that our lives aren't pre destined because there aren't enough careers to cater for everyone and he everyone were successful there wouldn't be enough places for everyone. I purpose this all comes back to the whole process of natural selection where only the strongest animals survive get to mate and enjoy the best life within a natural habitat. I have seen this happen and I refuse to sit down or even lie down without a fighting for a better life so today I live free...

What to do?, decisions, decisions, decisions...

I am taking this opportunity to vent my frustrations a little this morning go regards with my cas accident claim and I hope that God hears me today and answers my anguish with some positive response as far as my financial situation is concerned. I need to note no as far as that is concerned, I can't wait for life to happen anymore I have to make it happen, so today I am taking this time to thank and also to vent and i know that when you ask and strongly believe that you will receive, so patiently I sit here and wait for some good news the signs are all there so let it be. Later Bloggers!

Okay now that was shocking... by The Outsiders

I wonder how many people sometimes watch tv and sees themselves and their friends go the characters go their favorite show? I just saw some things and it resembled of and the people go this town... I see my ex girlfriend and her past coming back to haunt her I am there as Brooklyn, another friend I know as Epic who came out the closet, his Sister Serena it is really weird are these things that will still happen or am I purely worried about coincidental fictional characters or are they very factual that we are living out some of these these scenes go the present time from some writers past dreams? I seem to think there is more than just meet the eye involved here and some of the characters are not placed yet in their ideal roles, maybe the next time I come back to this town they'll be acting out their roles, for one I enjoy my role as the outsider and they all seem to gravitate towards me, seems like my blog name, maybe more suited than I had planned. I think I shall have to write a role for my alcoholic bff