Overcast Sunday

This is probably one of the worst Sundays ever, my Uncle came over to visit and my quiet day went all down the drain within a minute. The weather was ideal for staying in bed and sleeping, but all of a sudden I am being bombarded by questions of when I am going to get massside and when I an going to have kids the usual crap I infact enjoy being alone and not having to stress about things like that. Life these days are so difficult why make it harder by knocking some girl up and having to deal with all the stressful activities of daily life. I am having a rather offish day with my privacy being invaded, all I want to do is just sleep you know after a hard week dealing with people, I just want to be alone to rest. Later Bloggers!

Times change,but some people refuse to...

Today is Thursday, I think? I have been so lost in the times recently that even the days have escaped my grasp I am lost in time, I wonder if it is possible to counter time by forgetting about it and just living eachday since it is all the same? The only thing that has been a reminder of what day it is was the thought of looking forward to my favorite tv program in that nine o'clock time slot from Monday through to Wednesday and them the Omnibus Saturday nights and since the first season is done my life is kinda empty. Those were my nights my days were filled with reading, but since my books are all finished I am left over to the mercy of boredom. I went out last night just for like an hour to an ex work colleagues sons birthday and the people I worked with and some of the people I know have not changed one bit, it was kinda sad because I use to be like that once before, I changed and these past few months have calmed me down somewhat. I left early and some of them saw my behaviour as a reflection on them as

Never Leave the house or even in to add Angry prt2

... In turn hurt me, I always vowed never to hurt my mother as she is the only person I know that has the biggerst heart and also the smallest heart. I knew that me saying that would hurt her, I know that she is the person that always believes in me and backs me through the good the bad the the failure the successes and she worries about my future more than anyone elses'. I know that she wants the best for me and all she wants or asks of me is a little bit and I know that I haven't done much for her yet, but I try and I left the house in anger and that should never be. This life we live is short and we should never miss an opportunity to make things right or to say sorry or say I love you and never be afraid to cry, we human after all, being human is an emotion. So yesterday I gave my Mom a Kiss and I know she knew what it was for... Today is Tuesday and I am doing so much better and even the day is feeling better more positive o let it be so Live life full on today and everyday. Later Bloggers!

Never Leave the House or even go to sleep when Angry...

Yesterday was Monday and I woke to the noise or well my parents having a little argument of sorts because my Dad decided he wasn't going to work. This Monday disease is a coloured problem you drink the weekend and Mondays you don't go to work, I have come to realize that I always almost never drink on Sundays and I realize why I don't now. I subconsciously have been made to realize how negative it is because that image or trigger has been implanted go my head, I have never except on one previous occasion had alcohol on a Sunday but only because I knew that I would not be working on that Monday. So back to my reason for not leaving the house angry, I was angry with my Dad because he knows what his responsibilities are and he knows what his weaknesses are, but he still insists no doing all those things, so the long and short story is I felt crowed and well I said some things and trapped and said that I wished I had died last year in that car accident well I kinda didn't think and I made my mother cry, which..

I just need to stay focused and keep being disciplined

Sometimes a fresh start is all someone needs or even a change me scenery. I hate come to realise that me still being at good staying with my parents is poisonous to my health, my fathers drinking is driving everyone insane and all those other reasons stated in my previous update on the blog also forms part of it. I hate alot that I can do and want to do, but the fact that I am here holds me back and it doesn't help me in anyway. I have never had a safety net like any of the other kids my dad has never strived for anything in his life we still staying in this crap hole so I think it is time for me to make my own safety net because I don't want to end up like him, so I say it is time for the loner to start walking and leave it all behind and start a fresh... I don't know where or when I an I am going to be starting a fresh, but I am going to have to do it soon.

I have set the standard...

I recently rediscovered something that well I have known all along and that is the force that driver of to where I am going to be soon. I spoke about or rather wrote about the whole natural selection process where only the top bracket of the dna gene pool gets to do what they want in life and get to achieve that, well that is a load of bollocks, I am good enough! I am this way cause of doubts instilled in me by my father, reason being that my father is not competitive by nature non confrontational he is everything I am not. I am tall, athletic, competitive, motivated, driven, aggressive and the one thing that stands out is the fact that I am a risk taker and a loner. I don't fall in favour with women because I am not safe, I am no safety net or even security, I need only please me and nobody else. So now with my dreams knocking no my door I am going to make that jump. Life is there for the taking...

Live Free or Die

I realized how important freedom is today after giving someone a lecture about how we all start of as slaves and how some of up remain slaves all our lives. We all make a conscious decision in life as to where we take our lives, even though some people believe it is pre destined by a higher being as it imprinted in our dna... I would like to think otherwise, I would like to think that I am in charge of where my life is going and that my determination and drive decide where I am headed. I on the other hand don't dismiss the motion completely that our lives aren't pre destined because there aren't enough careers to cater for everyone and he everyone were successful there wouldn't be enough places for everyone. I purpose this all comes back to the whole process of natural selection where only the strongest animals survive get to mate and enjoy the best life within a natural habitat. I have seen this happen and I refuse to sit down or even lie down without a fighting for a better life so today I live free...

What to do?, decisions, decisions, decisions...

I am taking this opportunity to vent my frustrations a little this morning go regards with my cas accident claim and I hope that God hears me today and answers my anguish with some positive response as far as my financial situation is concerned. I need to note no as far as that is concerned, I can't wait for life to happen anymore I have to make it happen, so today I am taking this time to thank and also to vent and i know that when you ask and strongly believe that you will receive, so patiently I sit here and wait for some good news the signs are all there so let it be. Later Bloggers!

Okay now that was shocking... by The Outsiders

I wonder how many people sometimes watch tv and sees themselves and their friends go the characters go their favorite show? I just saw some things and it resembled of and the people go this town... I see my ex girlfriend and her past coming back to haunt her I am there as Brooklyn, another friend I know as Epic who came out the closet, his Sister Serena it is really weird are these things that will still happen or am I purely worried about coincidental fictional characters or are they very factual that we are living out some of these these scenes go the present time from some writers past dreams? I seem to think there is more than just meet the eye involved here and some of the characters are not placed yet in their ideal roles, maybe the next time I come back to this town they'll be acting out their roles, for one I enjoy my role as the outsider and they all seem to gravitate towards me, seems like my blog name, maybe more suited than I had planned. I think I shall have to write a role for my alcoholic bff

Am I a choker? or is it just my lack of big match temprament...

So I am a really good soccer player always have been except the fact that I seem to choke up at times or is it just the fact that I have on big match temprament? I have always had some anxiety attacks but to a minimum and the only thing that has always helped of helped of was to think of something good that was going to happen after that present event or music and I have become less and less anxious as I have matured and it is time to finally step up my game. I have played against many guys and I always seem to perform at my best well I think it is time to not try my best but to do it and actually become great. I am doing it now it's time for add and time to prepare myself for an early morning jog, Later Bloggers!

The weeks go by slowly

Monday morning and I seem to be loosing my mind for the past few weeks I had books go which I could lose or submerge my mind today I am left to my own sanity which is somewhat questionable at times, so I should try and not think so much it feels like this is going to be one of those insanely long days or infact a long week hope ,well lets not hope for it to pass by so quickly, I want to savour this one. So here's to a good week on the grind! Later Bloggers!

Roadtrip Sunday

So lastnight, I didn't have much sleep'cause I had to be up early to take my brother to the airport, 4 o'clock is no joke after having just about half an hours sleep. We got to the airport real early and then headed off immediately and you know strange thing I run into Mike an old friend from a couple years back he is staying in Randfontein these days now talk about the devil. I spoke to some friends earlier well one in particular whom I lost track with who asked about Mike and guess who I run into on my way back from Jhb yes the one and only. I needed this whole drive out today, I realised how much I missed my own car and the open road good friends good times and good memories to last a lifetime. The mini roadtrip with my parents was awesome even though I was not alone I am hoping for the best regarding my case and my positive frame of mind will help. I also have the opportunity to climb the social ladder business is what I have within my grasp alot and I will get or take what I deserve Later Bloggers!

How to bring a country to it's knees and keep them there

I realised what a terrible world we live in, I am probably most ideally placed because I seem to noticee these injustices first hand. I saw what governments are doing and what they are allowing to happen, if you allow people to treat others cruelly you condone those actions thus making it right. Some of the policies that are not implemented make the government no better than the communist governments of the soviet union. People suffer so much because there is no time for some people to look for better, they make sure that you get just about enough to get the necessities and no more no less than that . Now imagine working 7 days a week 14 hours a day for 300 Rand a week, now work out the costs you the only person working ho your household. Transport, food, lack of time there's a whole lot of other factors I could mention, but by now I am sure you got the picture by now. This kind of struggle tends to imprison people go their own minds because governments and the way they run things make people believe they

Pacience is hard but worth the wait...

So you might read my title and wonder about my spelling, I don't because it is not my spelling, some spindless idiot I know made that his status update and I decided I would take some time out of my busy schedule to bash some fool. My comment to this is patience is worth it when spelled correctly in all other cases you don't need to stand in a long que to be ripped a new a hole in the middle of your forehead AJ. I see now why you were being led around by your nose you a real court Jester in other words clown a Joke, You are so whipped. Enough bout all that last might my fellow creative under the influence directors phoned of and we decide to fail trying and to start doing, get out my Lovers drisense and get in controle of my out of controle thoughts. I am ready to go rocksteady . Haters I am outside pissing into your tents so grab your umbrellas and raincoats its about to get really wet

A Strange training session

I had a crazy day at work and at soccer today it kinda freaked me out somewhat. I was worried bout the creatures me the night and them a little black kitten showed up so I guess it is good luck because it was a kitten and not a cat. The other issues go my life seen to be drawing to a close and I know God is looking out for me in a good way. I am off Later Bloggers!

This is indeed dark days...

I find myself in a dark desolate place these days and it scares me not because it is dark, but because of the creatures the dark holds not the furry sharp dagger carrying kind. I am talking about those creatures of the human kind preying on people, but I am willing to fight for what is mine, for long far too long have I let people keep of from achieving my dreams. It is a lonely place I find myself in it is and dark, but I am not going to let any threats stop of from my dreams. Today I go round 3 Later Bloggers!

Got Some Good News Today!

I really don't have much to say tonight, just that I got an opportunity to play soccer again and I know it is all thanks to my heavenly father. I went to work this morning as usual and read my mails and to my surprise I got e mails from two agents wanting me to sent my Resumé or to contact them as they would be be doing placements go their teams. I went only for my second training session tonight and I am thoroughly exhausted, I did some ballwork and a whole lot of running I de feel good about where my fitness levels are going and I only hope that God will grant me good health to continue towards building my strength mentally and physically. I am sure by the time I am ready for my trial I will be in tip top shape. I only wish for one more thing well not hope so much as pray for it so that by the time I am ready and my time to go has arrived I have been blessed with the settlement. Believe and you shall achieve and my time has come Later Bloggers!

Close to breaking point what to do

I am so frustrated today and it isn't because of people, but my own weaknesses for women and because it is so easy for of to hook up. I am trying to be disciplined but it is so hard today is one of those majorly testing days where I am trying to keep my mine occupied in order to keep it of deviating towards thinking of sex. I hope I get through this day without slipping up just have to keep my mine busy think I shall read still have a goal to make he I want to do this next year SOCCER SOCCER SOCCER Later Bloggers!

Life's a journey which no one can travel for you. My Journey continues...

Man I cant even remember when the last time was when I was involved in a competitive soccer match. I tried to organize a game, but on one got back to me about it yet. I have one year left to train and try make it at a team, went to gym again today after my week absence due to the flu@ going to try wake up early to go for a jog my journey begins go full swing tomorow. I read on twitter today ARE YOU WILLING TO TAKE THE RISK FOLLOWING YOUR DREAMS AND RISK FAILING OR PLAYING IT SAFE AND WAKING UP ONE DAY AND SAYING WHAT IF? So go out there and get at it Later Bloggers!

Life can be bullshit sometimes...

Friday is suppose to be a good day! Well it was until my mother phoned un give me the bad news, you know this brought me back un my no one problem Trust. I have always had trust issues with everyone I don't trust anyone not even my own family and sometimes it is justified. I wonder why anybody would give another person bad news straight away knowing it would eval up their whole day, I am not angry but more dissapointed than anything one me my kittens got killed again my couscous is dead. Fuck this life and all the bullshit. I am tired having un carry all this burdens with me@ why is my punishment so servere?!?! I wish someone could understand the shit I am going through...

A good friend don't stab you in the back he stabs you in the front

I know this sounds bitchy pardon my french, I am an honest person and sometimes thats the best policy so I heard in some cases, but apparently others haven't heard this yet. I have it when people bad mouth me and and then have the nerve to stand in front of me and smile at me. Today I jogged in to facebook and well one me those friends contacted me with a proposal, well what did I do the good person that I am@ well I told him I would have a look at it chou on sense go saying on to perfectly good business ideas he indee it is that and not just a ploy to stab me in the blindside just in good faith. I know this is no coincidence first I spot his mother then a week later he contacts me... I am not going into this with my eyes closed. I am having a good day otherwise, up early my twitter followers are are no the rise business is good. Thanx to Jesus my Lord and Saviour Later Bloggers!

40 Days and 40 Nights

Today is the firsts day of my new commitment and I an going to try and hold out as long as I can'I have a problem I am a sex addict, talking about it helps so since I am not good at talking, I am writing about it in a way it has helped and I am doing better already temptation has been visiting me alot me late forget about Tiger but I have come to realize my problem reasonably early I hope...

Time won't let me go

Good friends are a dime a dozen, I have millions of them but only one bestest best friend. I got a call from him today and he just encourages of all the time. When I look back on the days of my life, these words bring bravery into my fight for survival it is key to unlocking that monster called determination. I have not seen my friend in over three years which is way too long, but even though I don't see him that often, it is like he left just yesterday everytime we talk again. If I could in back to yesterday and change all the things I could I wouldnt because time wont let me go, but not because of that@ but because I have no regrets of yesterday. I dream for tomorrow and that place I long for I have never seen. I am going to see my friend soon hopefully. I am editing this draft of my thoughts which I did not complete because sleep knocked me out. This morning I am full of regrets I have lived my life through the tv screen being other people including myself and I have forgotten who I am, I wish I could go back and change all the things I diid well maybe not all of them, some I don't regret I am just depressed this morning at work. I have always walked alone and this morning I realised I have only ever been alone, I am use to it. This post is inspired by The Bravery the song is titled the same as the above title. TIME WON'T LET ME GO... goes better all this Indie Rock is really making me go soft Later Bloggers!!!

Back to Basics How to become a Proffessional Soccer player part2

Okay so this update is long overdue I promised to write this a while ago,but never got to it well today is the day and in true proffessional soccer player style I am back in form and banging in those good tips. Well the ball has been distibuted from the back and is well on it's way. The Defense is where it all can either start towards a good gam and it can also break down here leading to the failure of the entire team. I have heard many a men especially defenders say this there are two ways of defending... First you either take the man and Second or you take the ball the Let me explain in no uncertain terms it's either the ball goes past you and the man stays behind or the man goes past you and the ball stays behind, but never the both of them. The defenders are the tough guys in the team along with the strikers and you gotta have a big brave heart to play in these postions on the field because as a defender you are confronted all the time and the best way to defend is to attack the ball or the player in some cases. These days you gota be fast agile and aware of your surroundings. Tactical awareness, speed, positioning and a commanding presence are the order of the day, so you need to be mentally strong to be a defender as you are always in battle so pick your man and make sure you count your tackles and make sure your offenders knows where you stand as far as takedowns are concerned. The middlefield is the belly of the beast this is the engine room of the team without their contributions and artfulness the team is lost. These guys gotta be working as a unit and if these guys dont gel together in the middle you can forget about winning. This position requires imagination drive and determination and most important is accuracy and vision. These guys carry immense pressure and their timing passing the ball should be perfect and intune with their frontmen the connection should be a telepathic one, that is why often you will find the strikers and midfielders hanging out together, this helps them to get to know the other and what type of player he is. The middle field players are usually more glamorous and colorful on and off the field, this is the most supported position on the field and they have hordes of fans.In modern day it has shifted somewhat, but not much and only time and the amount of talented personality filled crop of players will be able to capture the hearts and imagination of the world. The game has become very scientific, compared to a few decades ago the game has grown in popularity. The speed of the game has also increased with high speed cameras being put into place to capture some of the moves and tackles being executed. The paychecks have gotten bigger shorts longer hair more colorful and eccentric, faster cars, designer suits, designer girlfriends posh houses multi million rand whatever your curency is endorsements. The balance has shifted and these days players are truelly ROCKSTARS and they are rolemodels to the millions of kids out there influencing them to dream, but what they should teach them is that no amount of success is achieved by sitting at home and not going out there and work for it. So go out and work for it Later Bloggers! Go out and get that dream...

Rainy days in the skyshine

This is one of those typical days which has been affected by climate change and it is a one of those days that I enjoy most. I am sitting here in the shop looking out on the street it is dead quiet from the lack of patrons.The street is usually packed with poeple,but not today because out here in Africa some of the natives seem to fear water and if they are not forced by work obligations well, they just don't see the need to get wet for no good reason. I was late for work this morning not because I overslept, rather to wait for the rain to subside to a slight drizzle which happened and then me and my brother set off to catch a cab or in African terms a taxi. The rain has been continuelly falling for the past 3 weeks roundabout and with only a few days of sun inbetween, if it were up to me I would prefer it to rain everyday for the rest of the year, but unlike other countries our infrastructure are not equipped with laundromats and indoor washlines. Africa itself isn't built for big heavy raines these days anymore as the news would testify to muddy landslides and floods as a resullt of the afore mentioned structural problems and natural destruction of trees grassy plains. These are all contributing to certain factors which has been termed natural disasters, which aren't so natural if you come to look at how the growing numbers in population has caused people to shift from certain areas reserved for animals only, so as far as rain everyday is concerned not a good idea. Goverments are going to have to put measures in place to curb population growth or is it already in effect? Maybe it goes by another name? Well for now we will have to just accept the rain and adapt or die and occassionaly have some sunshine Later Bloogers!

Heavy is the head that wears the crown continued...

keeping my mouth shut and even less for hiding my feelings. I regret none of the things I have ever paid for regret is admitting you were wrong and I am usually the first to admit I was wrong. So what's my point you would ask well I foot exactly know. but i an a smart arse why should I have a point does everything need to have a point. I am a heavely burdened person carying the weight of an entire name brand no my shoulders and the head is heavy with thoughts and the crown is beffitting, but it is nothing that I can't handle so I co going to continue my rise to the top steadily and go my own time. Later Bloggers!

Heavy is the head that wears the crown excetera excetera and other stuff blah blah blah...

I am so glad I can blog again seems my opera mini is working again now that's dandy... So I am at work sick as a dog my brother has been helping me with the biz so it seems like I am doing okay. I saw my ex boss driving down part my shop and I take it good news travels fast..., Okay so I get it you lost my point what is she doing in this part of town because the only people that comes to this part of town is either coming to pick up drugs or she is working a corner as a under paid talk with your mouthful 1 doll hair hooker looking for her pimp or another option she heard the good news of a certain former waiter doing it like like old blue eyes. Well my money is on option no last named. Heavy is the head that wears the crown, indee it is when you are me especially when people know the potential you have been blessed with and that makes it difficult to get things especially because of my natural competitiveness and confrontational way so, it's either I take nonsense or dish it out and lets just put it this...