Overcast Sunday

This is probably one of the worst Sundays ever, my Uncle came over to visit and my quiet day went all down the drain within a minute. The weather was ideal for staying in bed and sleeping, but all of a sudden I am being bombarded by questions of when I am going to get massside and when I an going to have kids the usual crap I infact enjoy being alone and not having to stress about things like that. Life these days are so difficult why make it harder by knocking some girl up and having to deal with all the stressful activities of daily life. I am having a rather offish day with my privacy being invaded, all I want to do is just sleep you know after a hard week dealing with people, I just want to be alone to rest. Later Bloggers!

Times change,but some people refuse to...

Today is Thursday, I think? I have been so lost in the times recently that even the days have escaped my grasp I am lost in time, I wonder if it is possible to counter time by forgetting about it and just living eachday since it is all the same? The only thing that has been a reminder of what day it is was the thought of looking forward to my favorite tv program in that nine o'clock time slot from Monday through to Wednesday and them the Omnibus Saturday nights and since the first season is done my life is kinda empty. Those were my nights my days were filled with reading, but since my books are all finished I am left over to the mercy of boredom. I went out last night just for like an hour to an ex work colleagues sons birthday and the people I worked with and some of the people I know have not changed one bit, it was kinda sad because I use to be like that once before, I changed and these past few months have calmed me down somewhat. I left early and some of them saw my behaviour as a reflection on them as

Never Leave the house or even in to add Angry prt2

... In turn hurt me, I always vowed never to hurt my mother as she is the only person I know that has the biggerst heart and also the smallest heart. I knew that me saying that would hurt her, I know that she is the person that always believes in me and backs me through the good the bad the the failure the successes and she worries about my future more than anyone elses'. I know that she wants the best for me and all she wants or asks of me is a little bit and I know that I haven't done much for her yet, but I try and I left the house in anger and that should never be. This life we live is short and we should never miss an opportunity to make things right or to say sorry or say I love you and never be afraid to cry, we human after all, being human is an emotion. So yesterday I gave my Mom a Kiss and I know she knew what it was for... Today is Tuesday and I am doing so much better and even the day is feeling better more positive o let it be so Live life full on today and everyday. Later Bloggers!

Never Leave the House or even go to sleep when Angry...

Yesterday was Monday and I woke to the noise or well my parents having a little argument of sorts because my Dad decided he wasn't going to work. This Monday disease is a coloured problem you drink the weekend and Mondays you don't go to work, I have come to realize that I always almost never drink on Sundays and I realize why I don't now. I subconsciously have been made to realize how negative it is because that image or trigger has been implanted go my head, I have never except on one previous occasion had alcohol on a Sunday but only because I knew that I would not be working on that Monday. So back to my reason for not leaving the house angry, I was angry with my Dad because he knows what his responsibilities are and he knows what his weaknesses are, but he still insists no doing all those things, so the long and short story is I felt crowed and well I said some things and trapped and said that I wished I had died last year in that car accident well I kinda didn't think and I made my mother cry, which..

I just need to stay focused and keep being disciplined

Sometimes a fresh start is all someone needs or even a change me scenery. I hate come to realise that me still being at good staying with my parents is poisonous to my health, my fathers drinking is driving everyone insane and all those other reasons stated in my previous update on the blog also forms part of it. I hate alot that I can do and want to do, but the fact that I am here holds me back and it doesn't help me in anyway. I have never had a safety net like any of the other kids my dad has never strived for anything in his life we still staying in this crap hole so I think it is time for me to make my own safety net because I don't want to end up like him, so I say it is time for the loner to start walking and leave it all behind and start a fresh... I don't know where or when I an I am going to be starting a fresh, but I am going to have to do it soon.

I have set the standard...

I recently rediscovered something that well I have known all along and that is the force that driver of to where I am going to be soon. I spoke about or rather wrote about the whole natural selection process where only the top bracket of the dna gene pool gets to do what they want in life and get to achieve that, well that is a load of bollocks, I am good enough! I am this way cause of doubts instilled in me by my father, reason being that my father is not competitive by nature non confrontational he is everything I am not. I am tall, athletic, competitive, motivated, driven, aggressive and the one thing that stands out is the fact that I am a risk taker and a loner. I don't fall in favour with women because I am not safe, I am no safety net or even security, I need only please me and nobody else. So now with my dreams knocking no my door I am going to make that jump. Life is there for the taking...

Live Free or Die

I realized how important freedom is today after giving someone a lecture about how we all start of as slaves and how some of up remain slaves all our lives. We all make a conscious decision in life as to where we take our lives, even though some people believe it is pre destined by a higher being as it imprinted in our dna... I would like to think otherwise, I would like to think that I am in charge of where my life is going and that my determination and drive decide where I am headed. I on the other hand don't dismiss the motion completely that our lives aren't pre destined because there aren't enough careers to cater for everyone and he everyone were successful there wouldn't be enough places for everyone. I purpose this all comes back to the whole process of natural selection where only the strongest animals survive get to mate and enjoy the best life within a natural habitat. I have seen this happen and I refuse to sit down or even lie down without a fighting for a better life so today I live free...